Do you struggle with motivating yourself to action? Do you sometimes find yourself spinning around in your head trying to figure out what to do? Did you know you can live life more peacefully without such struggle? I have learned this through my own personal journey and I now live by inspiration versus motivation.

What do I mean by this? Now whenever I decide what action to take, I check in with my inner guidance to determine if it’s the correct action to take at that time. How do I know? If I feel any internal resistance and feel like I have to motivate myself to take the action then I know either it’s not the right action or the right time. If I feel inspired, energized and prompted towards the action, I know it is right for me to proceed. It’s really as easy as that! Not only do I feel more calm and at peace with going with the flow, I no longer struggle with trying to figure out what to do. I now wait for inspiration anytime I’m facing a decision. It makes the decision making process so much easier and I can trust in the choice I make.

Have you had an experience motivating yourself into action and getting unsatisfactory results? How about a time when you took action on inspiration and had something exciting or interesting happen? I would love to hear your story. Usually when we follow inspiration positive results come about. If you haven’t had the opportunity to experience this personally, I invite you to look for one in your own life and you will likely have something occur very soon!

xoxo

Angela, The Goddess Next Door

Q. My boyfriend wants to tie me up and blindfold me but isn’t that kinky? ~Jen B.

A. Sure some consider this to be kinky, but what’s wrong with kinky?  My theory is if you enjoy it and no one is being forced into anything they don’t want to do, then go for it.  There are a lot of things that people consider kinky until they try them and realize it was more the fear of the unknown.  If you do some research, you’ll learn that being tied up and blindfolded by your partner is mild on the BDSM continuum.  The most important factor is that you and your partner have developed a level of trust where you feel comfortable giving up some control.  Without trust, you are not likely to have a pleasurable experience.  If my partner wouldn’t let me do the same thing to him, I would give some hesitation before saying yes.

So with that said, there are fantastic reasons to play with restraints and blindfolds.  First off, when you are restricted from using your body, all focus becomes about your pleasure in the moment.  It puts you in a position to simply receive whatever your partner offers.  This can be playful tickling with a feather, a sensual massage, a naughty little spanking, or oral pleasure from head to toe.  When one gives up control and can relax into the experience, pleasure becomes more of a full body experience.

Using a blindfold in lovemaking play involves a high level of  trust.  By removing the sense of sight, the sensitivity of your other senses, smell, taste, touch, and hearing, will increase and become more acute.  When you aren’t able to see what will happen next, your anticipation increases and as you begin to use those other senses, your sensitivity and the pleasure you receive becomes amplified.  Touch especially will become much more errogenous.  How fun is that!  Another benefit with any type of play where you let go of control is it can strengthen your relationship and deepen both intimacy and trust between you and  your partner.  What an amazing gift to give yourself.

Before you begin, create a safe word with your partner that either of you can say to stop the play activity.  The word means everyone has to stop what they are doing.  This is a general rule with BDSM activities because sometimes in role playing and fantasy, participants may be acting out, resisting a partner.  The fantasy acting can include words like NO and Stop, which is why it is important to make the safe word something out of the ordinary and non-sexual.  Words like blueberry, car, or green are easy safe words.  They may sound silly now, but will be very clear in the moment if anyone is feeling uncomfortable about anything and wants to stop.

What do you use to tie each other up?  Use your imagination.  Do you have any nylons or stockings?  Does he have any business ties?  If you want to find some fun furry cuffs and satin blindfolds, check out the shopping section.  Consider getting yourself some playful accessories and attire to make your partner squirm and squeal with delight.  In our online shop, you will find tickling feathers, delicious smelling massage products and even tasty body toppings to wet your appetite.

Finally, start slow.  Take it in steps.  Start with tying only one hand and do so loosly where you can get out if you want to.  From there, decide if you want to be more restricted with tighter ties or try other body parts tied-up.  You can negotiate and discuss boundaries and fantasies, and once you trust that your partner won’t do anything you aren’t up for, the  possibilities are unlimited!

xoxo

Angela, The Goddess Next Door

A common question I hear often from clients is how do I get my partner to be more attentive. So let’s talk about that…

Ultimately men and women have the same wants and desires from their partner. We all want to feel special, desired, and accepted. After a relationship has become established and the new excitement wears off, we tend to get into a rut and become less attentive towards our partner. It’s to be expected that the newness will wear off. It happens to the best of us. We are over stressed, over worked and we stop putting our relationship and partner as a top priority. It’s certainly easier to succumb to the daily stressors and the exhaustion then to give your partner loving attention and intimacy.

In fact, you frequently hear men talking about how they feel nagged all the time by their wife or girlfriend. Nagging is focusing on the negative and verbalizing it in a judgemental way. The person who nags is looking for their partner to do something different which will make them feel good. With nagging, you will actually get the opposite of what you desire. The natural response is for a defensive reaction. You will feel it as resistance from your partner.

We all would like our partner to show us that they care. Many times we wait for them to take the initiative and do nice things to make us feel desired, special, and appreciated before we return the favor. This creates a potentially destructive and vicious cycle that can eventually lead to built up resentments.

If not tended to, this destructive pattern can eventually lead to emotional and/or physical infidelities. Frequently affairs are initiated by men and women who no longer feel desired or appreciated by their partner. A man needs to feel successful in his relationship. This includes mentally, emotionally and sexually. He wants to feel desired and know that he makes you happy. Women on the other hand want to feel loved and appreciated. When infidelity occurs; instead of turning to their partner and dealing with the challenges; the unfaithful partner looks to someone who will make them feel special. An affair offers strong validation and reinforcement through feelings of success and desireability for the unfaithful partner. This is what makes having and continuing one so enticing.

The good news is that it only takes one of you to have a significant impact on this destructive cycle. The work of a successful and fulfilling relationship is continuing to create that excitement you shared in the beginning with your partner. When you first met your partner you probably found yourself having all the energy in the world to spend time getting to know them, trying new things and having some frisky fun. That excitement will return if you are willing to do the work.

If your relationship doesn’t feel the way you want it to, ask yourself if you think your partner feels successful and appreciated? If not, identify one small thing you can do to start creating a more positive experience for your partner. Be the partner you want your partner to become. Focus on changing your own thoughts and behaviors. Start noticing your partner’s positives. Appreciate your partner, even if you have to start very small. Once positively reinforced by your recognition, he or she will want to reciprocate more to make you happy. This will help turn that cycle around.

Finally, don’t rely on your partner to make you feel good. Do things to nurture yourself. The Goddess Next Door recognizes that there is a Goddess in every woman. It’s important as women to reconnect with our feminine side. If you struggle with the need to always be doing something; whether creating a successful career or having to balance life with children call for a complimentary coaching consultation and find out how life coaching can help bring ease, happiness and success to your life.

xoxo

Angela, The Goddess Next Door