Have you considered reentering the dating scene but the thought brings up all sorts of concerns? Here I address some of the more common questions I get from my coaching clients…
Q. What advice do you give newly single people about first dates (i.e., where to go, what to do, how much to say about previous relationships, how much personal information to share, etc.)?
A. Going somewhere public where you can easily leave is best for a first date.
If you know rather quickly you want to end the date you can easily make a transition out and you aren’t stuck for the whole meal. Going out for coffee or tea is a great way to get a sense of the other person. It will give you an idea whether you want to spend any more time with them. At that point, you can decide to continue or make another date for lunch or dinner.
Doing something fun that gets the two of you interacting is a great way to get to know each other. When you participate in activities, it takes the pressure off each of you. It also gives you the opportunity to see how they react to various situations as they arise. Initially avoid sharing your life history. In due time, you will have the opportunity to share if there is potential and you proceed past the first date. When you over share you may overwhelm your date and scare them away.
Q. How do I know when I have found someone to hold onto?
A. Find someone you connect with mentally, emotionally and physically, making sure you share similar beliefs and aspirations in life. To have a strong, long term committed relationship you need a strong foundation in values. If you don’t have similar beliefs and aspirations and don’t share similar values, you won’t be able to maintain a great relationship for long. Eventually one of you will feel dissatisfied and will want to move on.
Finally, make sure it’s someone with whom you have a lot of fun. Relationships should be easy, so don’t settle for less or try to make something out of mediocre.
Q. How soon is too soon to get back into a serious relationship?
A. That really depends on you. Two questions to ask yourself and consider are:
- Have you processed your emotional baggage with your ex or are you still holding anger and resentments toward them?
- Are you clear with who you are as an individual knowing what you want from your life and from a partner?
If not, take some time to address these issues first. If you haven’t processed the past emotional baggage and you are not clear on your wants and needs; unless you want to attract a similar person or relationship into your life it’s probably not time to get into new one.
Q. When is the right time to move a relationship into the bedroom?
A. My theory is that its best to become friends first. If you can’t manage to be friends, you have no business trying to build a relationship with this person.
Sex clouds judgment and accelerates the relationship; emotions get more intense whether we want them to or not.
During sexual activity a hormone is released in women called Oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone that develops bonding feelings to a partner. There are also many changes that occur in the brain chemistry. Why We Love is an excellent book that explains in great detail what goes on during various stages of romance and love. It’s very fascinating how the various hormones and neurotransmitters work so you will see a future posts about them. Until then…here’s to many fun dates ahead!
Angela, The Goddess Next Door