A common question I hear from clients is how do I get my partner to be more attentive.
Ultimately men and women have the same wants and desires from their partner.
We all want to feel special, desired, and accepted.
After a relationship has become established and the new excitement wears off, we tend to get into a rut and become less attentive towards our partner. It’s to be expected that the newness will wear off. It happens to the best of us. We are over stressed, over worked and we stop putting our relationship and partner as a top priority. It’s certainly easier to succumb to the daily stressors and the exhaustion then to give your partner loving attention and intimacy.
In fact, you frequently hear men talking about how they feel nagged all the time by their wife or girlfriend. Nagging is focusing on the negative and verbalizing it in a judgmental way. The person who nags is looking for their partner to do something different which will make them feel good. With nagging, you will actually get the opposite of what you desire. The natural response is a defensive reaction. You will feel it as resistance from your partner. No one likes to be told to do something.
We all would like our partner to show us that they care.
Many times we wait for them to take the initiative and do nice things to make us feel desired, special, and appreciated before we return the favor. This creates a potentially destructive and vicious cycle that can eventually lead to built up resentments.
If not tended to, this destructive pattern can eventually lead to emotional and/or physical infidelities.
Frequently affairs are initiated by men and women who no longer feel desired or appreciated by their partner. A man needs to feel successful in his relationship. This includes mentally, emotionally and sexually. He wants to feel desired and know that he makes you happy.
Women on the other hand want to feel loved and appreciated. When infidelity occurs; instead of turning to their partner and dealing with the challenges; the unfaithful partner looks to someone who will make them feel special.
An affair offers strong validation and reinforcement through feelings of success and desirability for the unfaithful partner. This is what makes having and continuing an affair so enticing.
The good news is that it only takes one of you to have a significant impact on this destructive cycle.
The work of a successful and fulfilling relationship is continuing to create that excitement you shared in the beginning with your partner. When you first met your partner you probably found yourself having all the energy in the world to spend time getting to know them, trying new things and having some frisky fun. That excitement will return if you are willing to do the work.
If your relationship doesn’t feel the way you want it to, ask yourself if you think your partner feels successful and appreciated? If not, identify one small thing you can do to start creating a more positive experience for your partner.
Be the partner you want your partner to become.
Focus on changing your own thoughts and behaviors. Start noticing your partner’s positives.
Appreciate your partner, even if you have to start very small. Once positively reinforced by your recognition, he or she will want to reciprocate more to make you happy. This will help turn that cycle around.
Finally, don’t rely on your partner to make you feel good.
Do things to nurture yourself. The Goddess Next Door recognizes that there is a Goddess in every woman. It’s important as women to reconnect with our feminine side. Enjoy nurturing yourself like the Goddess you are.
Angela, The Goddess Next Door