Trouble Achieving an Orgasm With Your Partner?

Q:  Why is it so Difficult to Achieve an Orgasm With a Partner? ~Ohhh Not Again in Portland, OR

A: This is a great question! I don’t know specifics about you or your partner, so I will answer this question with some general issues by age. Because these are generalizations you will likely find useful information through out the article.

20’s:

This is a time of exploration. Many of us start to learn about our own sexuality and how our body responds to different types of stimulation. It’s common to feel unsure about what you’ll enjoy; to feel inhibited, or to lack confidence in your abilities to please a partner. Here are some other things to consider. If you are using a hormone type of birth control, ask your doctor how it may affect your desire and arousal. Premature ejaculation (PE) in a male partner may also make it difficult for a woman to achieve an orgasm. Many factors can cause PE and can affect a man at any age. More about that in a moment.

When with a partner, it can be difficult to share how you’d like to be stimulated or whether you’d like to use a toy. Educate yourself and explore! Locate your G-spot and learn how to pleasure yourself both clitoral and vaginally. There are many wonderful books available. ToyGasms and Tickle Your Fancy by Sadie Allison are fun and informative books to read. Another great book to add to your collection is The Guide to Getting It On, 6th Edition. If your partner struggles with PE, a cock ring is a wonderful addition. Cock rings not only help delay him, it can also help him achieve a stronger orgasm. The best of both worlds. Many men who don’t deal with PE enjoy cock rings for this reason.

Start practicing your sexy pillow talk and let your partner know what feels good. We can all use a road map. Make every journey a new adventure, and have fun with it! Moans and Mmms are a great way to start your partner down the right path. Continue with your body language and guide your lover with your hands. Work up to talking dirty, suggesting your ideas for pleasure. Finish off with the finale of your choice.

30’s:

For many, we are developing our careers, working long hours, and taking care of a family. We are creating, building, and achieving. Our sex life may have the tendency to take a backseat because we are “too busy” or “not in the mood”. Does this sound familiar? Are your thoughts and mind chatter getting in the way of you reaching an orgasm? If so, keep reading. If you have had children, childbirth can decrease the tone and sensitivity during intercourse. Get out those Ben Wa balls and tone your way to multiple orgasms!

The Shunga Secret Garden is a must have product. It will help with relaxation and will help get your mind refocused onto your play activities. Creating a sensual, relaxing environment is key for the bedroom. Keep any work or mind stimulating material out of this space. Remove the TV, computer, and books other then erotica. Bring in some soft, sensual fabrics, candles, soothing music and the Silky Sheets spray to enhance the mood! For some inspiring ideas check out Goddess at Home: Divine Interiors. Make sure to create the space and time to get enough foreplay. Sometimes we expect our bodies to respond faster then biologically possible. Identify what your needs are and go ahead and give that to yourself. It’s important to listen to your body and honor it.

40’s:

Are you now an empty nester? Take this time to reestablish your self identity. You are in a different stage in your life, your desires and wants may have changed. You may have questions arise about your relationship. Arguments, divorce, and feeling disconnected from yourself can cause for difficulty in achieving an orgasm. You can either embrace the change and see the limitless possibilities or you can limit yourself and get stuck in the fear of change. You get to decide.

Work on improving your communication both inside and outside of the bedroom. Reacquaint yourself with your partner and reassess your relationship wants and needs. Do you want a little spice; give yourself permission to try something new! Consider if you are getting enough clitoral stimulation during penetration. Research shows 85% of women need clitoral stimulation during intercourse to achieve an orgasm.

50’s:

Peri/Post Menopause time. Intercourse may be painful, lubrication, desire and arousal may have decreased. Biologically the vaginal membranes are thinning, possibly making intercourse very painful, and feeling rough like sandpaper. Having painful intercourse with a partner is going to create a negative cycle and the body will learn to pair intercourse with pain. Sex drive will decrease as a result. Hormonal shifts can also decrease lubrication, sensitivity and how the body responds to stimulation.

Check any medications both over the counter and prescription. Cold medications can cause a decrease in personal lubrication and other medications can inhibit the desire, arousal, or orgasm. Lube, lube and even more lube is key! The Jo Water based lube for Women is absolutely wonderful. A good quality lubricant is important at every age; however it is vital to use to protect the delicate tissue as a woman’s body changes both Peri- and Post-Menopausally.

60’s+:

Possible death of long-term partner, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and low desire are some of the causes of orgasm difficulty. We come full circle and again a cock ring is great for penile support. If you are choosing to remain single, stock up your toy box! A healthy sex life is an important aspect to having a healthy life. Not only is sex a form of exercise, it also helps to maintain muscular tone preventing a weak bladder, as well as help release stress and tension.

So keep doing those Kegel exercises and get your juices flowing. Try out a few of these suggestions and check back next month.  Go shopping now to find everything you need to stimulate those orgasms!

xoxo

Angela, The Goddess Next Door