Jan 262010

Q. My boyfriend wants to tie me up and blindfold me but isn’t that kinky? ~Jen B.

A. Sure some consider this to be kinky, but what’s wrong with kinky?  My theory is if you enjoy it and no one is being forced into anything they don’t want to do, then go for it.  There are a lot of things that people consider kinky until they try them and realize it was more the fear of the unknown.  If you do some research, you’ll learn that being tied up and blindfolded by your partner is mild on the BDSM continuum.  The most important factor is that you and your partner have developed a level of trust where you feel comfortable giving up some control.  Without trust, you are not likely to have a pleasurable experience.  If my partner wouldn’t let me do the same thing to him, I would give some hesitation before saying yes.

So with that said, there are fantastic reasons to play with restraints and blindfolds.  First off, when you are restricted from using your body, all focus becomes about your pleasure in the moment.  It puts you in a position to simply receive whatever your partner offers.  This can be playful tickling with a feather, a sensual massage, a naughty little spanking, or oral pleasure from head to toe.  When one gives up control and can relax into the experience, pleasure becomes more of a full body experience.

Using a blindfold in lovemaking play involves a high level of  trust.  By removing the sense of sight, the sensitivity of your other senses, smell, taste, touch, and hearing, will increase and become more acute.  When you aren’t able to see what will happen next, your anticipation increases and as you begin to use those other senses, your sensitivity and the pleasure you receive becomes amplified.  Touch especially will become much more errogenous.  How fun is that!  Another benefit with any type of play where you let go of control is it can strengthen your relationship and deepen both intimacy and trust between you and  your partner.  What an amazing gift to give yourself.

Before you begin, create a safe word with your partner that either of you can say to stop the play activity.  The word means everyone has to stop what they are doing.  This is a general rule with BDSM activities because sometimes in role playing and fantasy, participants may be acting out, resisting a partner.  The fantasy acting can include words like NO and Stop, which is why it is important to make the safe word something out of the ordinary and non-sexual.  Words like blueberry, car, or green are easy safe words.  They may sound silly now, but will be very clear in the moment if anyone is feeling uncomfortable about anything and wants to stop.

What do you use to tie each other up?  Use your imagination. Do you have any nylons or stockings? Does he have any business ties? Pick up yourself  some fun furry cuffs and satin blindfolds. Consider getting yourself some playful accessories and attire to make your partner squirm and squeal with delight.  In our online shop, you will find tickling feathers, delicious smelling massage products and even tasty body toppings to wet your appetite.

Finally, start slow.  Take it in steps.  Start with tying only one hand and do so loosly where you can get out if you want to.  From there, decide if you want to be more restricted with tighter ties or try other body parts tied-up.  You can negotiate and discuss boundaries and fantasies, and once you trust that your partner won’t do anything you aren’t up for, the  possibilities are unlimited!

Shop at The Goddess Boutique for all your frisky fun needs. 


Angela, The Goddess Next Door

Aug 102009

Have you considered reentering the dating scene but the thought brings up all sorts of concerns? Here I address some of the more common questions I get from my coaching clients…

Q. What advice do you give newly single people about first dates (i.e., where to go, what to do, how much to say about previous relationships, how much personal information to share, etc.)?

A. Going somewhere public where you can easily leave is best for a first date.

If you know rather quickly you want to end the date you can easily make a transition out and you aren’t stuck for the whole meal. Going out for coffee or tea is a great way to get a sense of the other person. It will give you an idea whether you want to spend any more time with them. At that point, you can decide to continue or make another date for lunch or dinner.

Doing something fun that gets the two of you interacting is a great way to get to know each other. When you participate in activities, it takes the pressure off each of you. It also gives you the opportunity to see how they react to various situations as they arise. Initially avoid sharing your life history. In due time, you will have the opportunity to share if there is potential and you proceed past the first date. When you over share you may overwhelm your date and scare them away.

Q. How do I know when I have found someone to hold onto?

A. Find someone you connect with mentally, emotionally and physically, making sure you share similar beliefs and aspirations in life. To have a strong, long term committed relationship you need a strong foundation in values. If you don’t have similar beliefs and aspirations and don’t share similar values, you won’t be able to maintain a great relationship for long. Eventually one of you will feel dissatisfied and will want to move on.

Finally, make sure it’s someone with whom you have a lot of fun. Relationships should be easy, so don’t settle for less or try to make something out of mediocre.

Q. How soon is too soon to get back into a serious relationship?

A. That really depends on you. Two questions to ask yourself and consider are:

  1. Have you processed your emotional baggage with your ex or are you still holding anger and resentments toward them?
  2. Are you clear with who you are as an individual knowing what you want from your life and from a partner?

If not, take some time to address these issues first. If you haven’t processed the past emotional baggage and you are not clear on your wants and needs; unless you want to attract a similar person or relationship into your life it’s probably not time to get into new one.

Q. When is the right time to move a relationship into the bedroom?

A. My theory is that its best to become friends first. If you can’t manage to be friends, you have no business trying to build a relationship with this person.

Sex clouds judgment and accelerates the relationship; emotions get more intense whether we want them to or not.

During sexual activity a hormone is released in women called Oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone that develops bonding feelings to a partner. There are also many changes that occur in the brain chemistry. Why We Love is an excellent book that explains in great detail what goes on during various stages of romance and love. It’s very fascinating how the various hormones and neurotransmitters work so you will see a future posts about them. Until then…here’s to many fun dates ahead!


Angela, The Goddess Next Door

Aug 082009

Still hooking up with your ex? Have you been wondering if you should break it off or try to make it work again? I’ll just keep this short and sweet!

I highly advise against hooking back up with your ex. You obviously made the decision at one point to end the relationship and chances are absolutely nothing has changed. The only thing you will find with an ex is drama.  It’s important to be clear about your boundaries with your previous partners, especially sexually. If you aren’t ready to let go of them, you can sure bet you aren’t ready to pursue another relationship. This probably isn’t what you want to hear if you’re reading this. That’s okay because you ultimately have free will and choice to do as you wish. Just think long and hard before you decide to jump back in. Are you ready to go through an emotional roller coaster? If you are, it should be one wild ride!


Angela, The Goddess Next Door