Aug 202009
 

Have you ever asked yourself when is it time to let someone go? Your friend, lover, spouse?

Most relationships have an expiration date although sometimes it’s hard to let things end. Relationships may have to become extremely painful before we recognize it has gone bad. Or maybe…it is simply no longer “good enough” and that you deserve better.

But how do you really know?

Even when it’s obvious to others,  it can be difficult to see the proverbial  ‘forest for the trees’ when you’re emotionally involved.

Take for example a friend of mine. She’s had a group of friends for years. These women supported her through a divorce and the ups and downs of life. During that period of time everything felt great and she enjoyed the friendships she shared with these women. Recently however, things shifted dramatically.

Now, every time she got together with these ladies she felt worse afterward. She felt criticized, patronized, belittled and had no idea what she had done wrong. This happened a few times and she started recognizing a pattern. These women could no longer accept her, because she had changed.

Having worked on herself through coaching, she had become healthier and was able to deal with her emotions effectively. She was more confident and focused on what she wanted out of her life, taking a proactive approach to getting what she desired. She essentially outgrew her old friends.

Because of their own inner dissatisfaction, the women were using her as an emotional voodoo doll and projected their negative self talk onto her. It became apparent to my friend that her relationship with these women was no longer serving her.

This had become an extreme situation, and even my now confident friend had questioned herself. She wasn’t sure if it was her fault that they were now treating her this way, and if she should maintain the relationships with each of them. In the end, she realized the relationships with the women had expired.

This example shows what can happen when we avoid facing what’s uncomfortable. This happens in every type of relationship – friendships, dating, marriage, and business. It can be overwhelming and disheartening to think about loosing friends or being single again, especially when you’ve experienced a satisfying, committed, long term relationship with someone. Many times something has to cause us a lot of discomfort before we are motivated to change.

Think about a tree. When a new branch is just beginning to sprout there isn’t a gap between the trunk and the eventual branch. As the branch grows, it finds its own way and a gap starts to appear. The gap begins to widen as time goes on. The widening gap is similar to what can happen in a relationship if no one tends to the growth of the individuals within the relationship.

We may outgrow those around us if we aren’t growing at the same speed and in the same direction.

You may have had many fantastic years together as friends or as a couple but then find you no longer share the same interests. You spend less and less time with them and begin living separate lives.

Has your relationship expired? Is it about to expire?

Check in with your intuition, your inner knowing, and ask if this relationship is serving you. It may or may not be. Only you know.

Ask yourself:

  • How do I feel when I think about spending time with this person?
  • How do I feel after spending time with them?
  • Is it a balanced and equal relationship or does it always feel one-sided?
  • Do I feel empowered, excited and happy around them?
  • Do I feel drained, anxious, or empty?
  • What do I personally have control over?
  • Are there things I could and would be willing to change?
  • Will I choose to continue participating in a dissatisfying relationship?
  • Am I willing to stop my own growth to save an expiring relationship?
  • What will fulfill me?

Whatever your answers, let them be okay. Avoid judging yourself for them. They are to get you thinking about what is ultimately best for you.

Also consider it may be time to call it quits is when your relationship becomes overly difficult. Relationships take work, and the benefits have to outweigh the costs. How hard do things need to get before you decide you’ve had enough?

Finally, if you aren’t able to be yourself or you don’t feel you can be honest, the relationship is not based in truth. Continuing a relationship like this will not be satisfying long term. Take time to determine what you need differently in your relationship and make the changes necessary.

People come into our life at various times and for various reasons. Relationships give us an opportunity to learn more about ourselves.

If you recognize a relationship is no longer serving you, you can honor and respect yourself and the person by gently ending the relationship. The ending of a relationship can be emotionally difficult and sometimes painful. However, most importantly is being able to find your truth and make decisions based on what’s right for you.

As long as you follow your inner guidance and let go of resisting, it will flow with the smoothest transition possible. The pain in ending a relationship comes when we are not willing to let go, when it’s in our best good.

When it’s time, it’s time…

Xoxo

Angela, The Goddess Next Door

PS ~ If your relationship isn’t as fulfilling as you’d like, give me a call and let’s chat about how coaching can change your life, dramatically increasing your happiness.

Aug 152009
 

I am a woman finding my voice

I came across this book one day at the spa as I was waiting for my treatment. I saw they had a small collection of books and I immediately gravitated towards this one. Very quickly it drew me in and I connected to word after word. In fact, I was so moved I bought a copy of I am a Woman Finding my Voice: Celebrating the Extraordinary Blessings of Being a Woman written by Janet Quinn, Ph.D., R.N. the very next day.

I am a Woman Finding my Voice is a book that all women will connect with and be touched by. I was brought to tears by one entry and was inspired to write my own version My Lost Voice, Now Found. This small book has many profound messages that women in various stages of life will relate to. The experience I had while reading this powerful book was as if the writer was speaking directly to me.

This is the perfect book for your nightstand. Read it from cover to cover or let your intuition guide you to the message you need for the day. Either way, it offers lots of thought provoking material which will connect you to your inner voice and will provide inspiration during meditation and through out your day. Get a copy of I am a Woman Finding my Voice and be inspired towards finding your own voice. For additional recommended books visit my resource list.

xoxo

Angela, The Goddess Next Door

Aug 062009
 

About 7 years ago, prior to the recent surge of home romance and passion parties not too many women were talking about their sexuality nor their use of sensual aides. This movement has helped bring positive female sexuality to mainstream which has been fantastic for us as women. Women have been provided a safe place to acknowledge their sexual needs and learn about various fun items from the mild to the downright wild. With an extensive background as a sex educator, licensed therapist and having spent the past 6 years talking to thousands of women about enhancing their sensual life, I realized how intertwined sexuality and sensuality are in the larger picture. How you experience your sensual self is greatly influenced by all other aspects of your life: career, life’s purpose, family, etc. You can’t simply focus on one piece of the greater whole and live a truly fulfilling and balanced life.

This is why I dedicate my coaching practice to the essence of a woman, all aspects of her including the Goddess within. Women have become so driven to achieve success and focus their energy towards career and family their sensual side many times goes neglected. As women, the last thing we want to do is have sex or make love to our partner if we live our day to day life in our head. We  have been trained to focus so much energy on getting tasks done, believing crossing yet another off our list will bring us closer to our goals and give us a feeling of purpose and accomplishment. Yet it drains us and feeds a vicious cycle of becoming more detached from what is truly important.

Bringing us full circle, sensual play is a wonderful way to get into your body and out of your head. It’s one of the best ways to reconnect to your partner if you have been feeling a bit disconnected. Just being touched, caressed and tended to can make all the difference in the world. We are social creatures and having physical contact creates a hormonal shift in our body that helps us feel better and improve our mood. If you take it another step further, having an orgasm provides stress relief. Toys and sensual products can help boost libido and can increase both the intensity and frequency of orgasms.  These products also provide a way to stimulate and increase communication among partners. Many times it may be difficult to share with your partner what it is you like in the bedroom.  Sensual items simply become a tool to help increase intimacy between the two of you. Using sensual products for self pleasure not only helps you learn more specifically how you respond to sexual stimulation, it provides instant stress relief. Either way, you can’t go wrong!

It can be intimidating to go into an adult store and it’s hard not to feel uncomfortable and yucky afterward. You can find female owned adult stores to purchase your sensual products, although there really aren’t that many. This is one reason why I have an online Goddess Boutique where I have hand selected various products I recommend.

If you are now thinking you’d like to try a little something but are feeling a bit overwhelmed where to start, read my previous post Sex Toys 101. There you will find questions to ask yourself before making your first purchase. If you would like a personalized product recommendation feel free to contact me and I can help you out. If you find your life’s a little out of whack and want to learn tools to live a more balanced and joyful life take advantage of one of my coaching programs. Making a shift in one area in your life can dramatically transform another. So here’s to a fun filled life!

xoxo

Angela, The Goddess Next Door

Aug 012009
 

Do you struggle with hearing that inner voice of your higher self – the part of you that has your highest and best interests in mind? Here are eight practices to help connect you to your inner guidance. Each practice creates the space needed for your inner guidance to be heard. Now, you may not recognize it at first and you may get frustrated. That’s okay, it’s simply part of the process. The more you allow for that voice to reveal itself and be heard, the easier it will become to hear it and recognize it as time progresses.

Take some time and try these following eight practices and see which resonate with you.

  1. Journaling ~ Allowing your inner guidance a voice that you put to paper.
  2. Meditation ~ Clears your mind of running commentary.
  3. Practice Mindfulness ~ Being present and focused on the moment letting go of both past and future for this moment in time.
  4. Engage in Coaching ~ Working with someone who can help you recognize and trust your inner guidance.
  5. Read inspirational books ~ Books that you find inspirational help connect you to that inner voice.
  6. Create a sacred space ~ A sacred space can be a designated area in your home with items that you feel both connected to and inspired by.
  7. Spend time in nature ~ Spending time alone in nature can help you slow down and reconnect you back to what is important and of value to you.
  8. Do something creative ~ Getting into a creative mind frame gets you out of your head and into your heart. Your heart is where your inner guidance resides.

Look for future posts where I will go more in depth on the various ways to connect to your inner guidance.

Do you have other ways you use to connect with your inner guidance? If so, leave a comment below. I would love to hear them!

xoxo

Angela, The Goddess Next Door