Have you ever wondered why some relationships bring out the best of us while others do the exact opposite? Why you sometimes experience a relationship as a tug-o-war? And have you noticed playing hard to get is not only exhausting you find it only works to attract the wrong kind of guy?
If you’ve struggled sorting through all of the conflicting relationship advice out there you will appreciate the book ATTACHED. The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love. In this book psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and social organizational psychologist Rachel Heller offer answers to why we crave long-term bonds and never truly give up on finding a meaningful connection as well as answers to those earlier questions.
Levine and Heller illustrate in ATTACHED, how our biology and our “attachment style” have an enormous impact on how and why we form the relationships we do. We all have an attachment style (i.e., a particular way of behaving in relationships) that falls into one of three categories: Secure, Anxious or Avoidant.
Some of the eye-opening conclusions Levine and Heller outline include:
- Having someone with whom to share our lives is “part of our genetic makeup and has nothing to do with how much we love ourselves or how fulfilled we feel on our own.” We are hard-wired to be dependent. (I wish I knew this in my last relationship!)
- “Secure” attachment is essential not just for our emotional well-being but for our physical well-being.
- Playing hard to get is the easiest way to land Mr. Wrong (i.e., Mr. Avoidant)
When I began reading ATTACHED, I was thinking to myself, this is just a book talking about typical relationship behaviors gone awry. That everyone goes through the various stages of secure, anxious or avoidant within their relationships depending upon how much they are interested and invested in their partner.
As I continued reading and got to the deeper levels of the concept I was drawn in. I could see my own attachment style being revealed. It was fascinating to answer the questionnaires which shed light on not only my own attachment style but the attachment style of my most recent partner.
I would recommend checking out this book. Levine and Heller not only provide many great clarifying examples, they give you many coping skills to deal with your current style and bridge the gap between your attachment style and your partners…and if you’re single, you will learn exactly what to look for to find yourself a secure man. This could potentially save you a lot of heartache!
If you’d like to check this book out and gain insight into your relationships, past and current here is a handy link Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love.
Angela, The Goddess Next Door