Have you ever wondered why some relationships bring out the best of us while others do the exact opposite? Why you sometimes experience a relationship as a tug-o-war? And have you noticed playing hard to get is not only exhausting you find it only works to attract the wrong kind of guy?

If you’ve struggled sorting through all of the conflicting relationship advice out there you will appreciate the book ATTACHED. The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love. In this book psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and social organizational psychologist Rachel Heller offer answers to why we crave long-term bonds and never truly give up on finding a meaningful connection as well as answers to those earlier questions.

Levine and Heller illustrate in ATTACHED, how our biology and our “attachment style” have an enormous impact on how and why we form the relationships we do. We all have an attachment style (i.e., a particular way of behaving in relationships) that falls into one of three categories: Secure, Anxious or Avoidant.

Some of the eye-opening conclusions Levine and Heller outline include:

  • Having someone with whom to share our lives is “part of our genetic makeup and has nothing to do with how much we love ourselves or how fulfilled we feel on our own.” We are hard-wired to be dependent. (I wish I knew this in my last relationship!)
  • “Secure” attachment is essential not just for our emotional well-being but for our physical well-being.
  • Playing hard to get is the easiest way to land Mr. Wrong (i.e., Mr. Avoidant)

When I began reading ATTACHED, I was thinking to myself, this is just a book talking about typical relationship behaviors gone awry. That everyone goes through the various stages of secure, anxious or avoidant within their relationships depending upon how much they are interested and invested in their partner.

As I continued reading and got to the deeper levels of the concept I was drawn in. I could see my own attachment style being revealed. It was fascinating to answer the questionnaires which shed light on not only my own attachment style but the attachment style of my most recent partner.

I would recommend checking out this book. Levine and Heller not only provide many great clarifying examples, they give you many coping skills to deal with your current style and bridge the gap between your attachment style and your partners…and if you’re single, you will learn exactly what to look for to find yourself a secure man. This could potentially save you a lot of heartache!

If you’d like to check this book out and gain insight into your relationships, past and current here is a handy link Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love.

Enjoy!

xoxo

Angela, The Goddess Next Door

Did you participate this year in the familiar tradition of setting New Years resolutions? Do you find yourself setting the same goals year after year without much progress of moving forward? Typically how long does it take for the to fall to the way side? a few weeks, months or have you already given up?

I want to gently remind you about the basics to success in anything worth doing. Before you attempt to manifest great things, it’s important to set the stage for achieving those goals important to you. Imagine building a house with out a good, balanced foundation. It would be near impossible to do. The same thing applies to living a successful life. Regardless of the goals we set, it is important to first create a good foundation for which to manifest them. These are the basics which helps us maintain balance as we build our skyscrapers of success. Ask yourself how well you have been addressing the following foundational basics? Try rating yourself on a scale of 1-5, one being you haven’t even given it a thought and five being you consciously make sure you are getting what your body needs:

  • Drinking plenty of water – It’s a well known fact our bodies are composed of a high percentage of water, yet many times we forget how important water intake is to our bodies. Not only does it help to flush out toxins, it maintain the fluids in our bodies to reduce joint pain, fatigue and supports weight loss.
  • Food – Consider what you typically consume during your waking day. Have poor eating habits taken over? If you take in a great deal of processed foods, your body is likely starving for healthy nutrition. The brain cannot sustain clarity, focus and a high level of functioning on empty poor quality foods. Sometimes all it takes to shift your food intake is awareness. So how are you doing?
  • Sleep – Without regular, deep sleep your body ages faster, holds on to and possibly increases the amount of fat you carry, and limits how well you can cope with stress and function day to day. This is also when your subconscious does some house cleaning. Your body needs this opportunity to regenerate itself back towards health. So establishing a regular sleep schedule is priceless.
  • Exercise/Body movement – This doesn’t need to be a lot. Just finding something you enjoy doing to get your muscles moving and the oxygen flowing through your system. This promotes mental clarity, improved sleep, and assists in a greater sense of well being. So make sure to get up and stretch, literally and figuratively.
  • Quiet time – Silence with oneself is another valuable commodity. Not only do we have other people to deal with, we have to cope with the internal chatter of our mind that never seems to get quiet on its own. When you are able to get to the silence, even for a moment, you will tap into the greatest guidance system of all…your intuition. The answers to your questions can be found there.

So how’d you do? Most of us could use a little more focused attention to at least a few of the above basics. That’s okay. This isn’t an exercise to give yourself an excuse to beat yourself up. It’s more about the opportunity to find out how you can support your foundation of self care in a more conscious way. What’s one thing you can start doing right now to improve your weakest area? Are you willing to do it? If so, leave a comment and let us know what you are going to do for yourself today?

Cheers to health and happiness!

xoxo

Angela, The Goddess Next Door

www.thegoddessnextdoor.com

Donna Henes, author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife believes there four stages of Goddess we go through as women. These include: Maiden, our youthful self; Mother, the creative self; Queen, the focused self; and finally, Crone the wise self. If you are finding yourself in the somewhat turbulent times of midlife, this book is perfect for you.

Donna shares with her readers what one may experience through the process of becoming a Queen and how to gain the most from this period of time. She explains your Queenly assignment of identifying, understanding, and connecting all component parts of ones self to move towards greater balance. She provides many wonderful exercises and ceremonies which will assist you to do just that.

Even those who haven’t reached their years as a Queen, this book can help you create a healthy balance among the various aspects of your life. It’s never too early to begin good self care and to gain a deeper understanding and self awareness.

Donna Henes is an internationally acclaimed spiritual teacher and award-winning writer specializing in multi-cultural ritual, celebrations of the cycles of the seasons and the seasons of our lives. Her joyful celebrations of celestial events have introduced ancient traditional rituals and contemporary ceremonies to millions of people and her work has been featured in The New York Times, Martha Stewart Living, The Los Angeles Times and has shared her years of wisdom by radio.

Have fun crafting your own crown, lighting your fire, spending a day in bed, and many other nurturing activities. Purchase your own copy of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife today, and start becoming the Queen that you are.

xoxo

Angela, The Goddess Next Door