The Goddess Next Door

Plan an Elegant Bachelorette Event to Remember

 Ask The Goddess, Relationships  No Responses »
May 262009
 

Q:  My friend is getting married and I am in charge of throwing her Bachelorette party. I don’t want to throw her the usual tacky party and I wonder if you have any tips on planning an elegant party?

A: I believe there is a goddess in every woman that should be celebrated – especially during the turning points of her life. When your dear friend is about to be wed, consider a Bachelorette celebration that honors her last moments of single life and empowers her as she enters her marriage. Create a party that will refresh her and help her reconnect with her strength and grace. After months of managing wedding arrangements, extended friends and family, and her own emotions as she gets closer to her actual wedding day, the Bachelorette will be stressed and exhausted. As weddings in our culture have become more and more elaborate, the pressure on the Bride-to-Be has become enormous – and despite all this she is expected to arrive at the aisle looking stunning and in the appropriate frame of mind to take a sacred vow. That’s a lot to ask of anyone, don’t you think?

So, when it is time to plan her Bachelorette Party, I suggest something different – something as meaningful as it is fun. Gather her most beloved womenfolk and celebrate her from the heart in the way only women can. Nurture, bless and rejuvenate her with your shared love and laughter. Open your hearts and surround her with restorative joy. Connect with her in a mindful, gracious way. Be the goddesses that you are!

Be inspired by her. What is meaningful to the Bachelorette? What does she do to reconnect to her calm, centered sense of self? Does she draw strength from a particular spiritual tradition? Is there a place she visits to refresh her soul? Does she have creative outlets for self-expression? If you don’t know, make it a point to get to know her better during the months leading up to the wedding. Talk to other women who know her well. Spend time with the Bachelorette and initiate conversations about what is important to her. If she’s pressed for time – and she probably will be – offer to accompany her on errands or help with some of the preparations and visit while you work together. She’ll be glad for the extra set of hands and you’ll have a chance to learn more about her.

Be inspiring to her. Find a private space where the Bachelorette and her guests can talk freely and feel secure enough to be openhearted with each other. Decorate it so the Bachelorette knows, from the moment she walks in the door, that this is a special place, created just for her, and set apart from the frenzy she’s experienced over the last several months. Try using rich, dramatic colors and luxurious fabrics in you décor. Add some deep-hued flowers and spicy-scented candles to create an elegent setting. For ideas, check out A. Bronwyn Llewellen’s book Goddess at Home: Interiors Inspired by Aphrodite, Artemis, Athena, Demeter, Hera, Hestia, and Persephone.

Act on your inspiration. Plan activities and rites of passage that will help you connect with, pamper and honor the Bachelorette. Here are a few suggestions to get you started.

  • Make or purchase a beautiful box. Have all the guests write a letter to the Bachelorette and bring it to the party. If they need some ideas about what to write, suggest they:
    • Remember special times in their friendship with the Bachelorette;
    • Tell the Bachelorette what they admire most about her;
    • Create a poem or blessing especially for her; or
    • Share bits of wisdom they’ve learned from their own marriage.

    Allow time for guests to read their letters aloud to the Guest-of-Honor if they feel comfortable doing so. Place all the letters inside the decorative box and gift them to the Bachelorette as a keepsake.

  • Share traditional wedding rituals from her cultural heritage. Or, start your own tradition that you can repeat as each woman in the group gets married.
  • If your Bachelorette likes to cook, get all the women in the kitchen together and prepare a special meal for yourselves. It’s amazing how women will bond when they are cooking together.
  • Another similar idea for artistic Bachelorettes is to create art together. Try doing ceramics, collage, or jewelry making.
  • Sit around the fire together. Fire has an almost magical ability to soothe away stress and start people telling stories. Remember the last time you sat around the hearth or outdoor fire pit with good friends? Remember how relaxing it was and how one joke or story led to another?
  • Give each other foot massages or pedicures.
  • Bring your pajamas and make it a slumber party. Pillow fights are optional, but sure to get everybody laughing.
  • Commit to each other. One aspect of getting married that can be stressful for everyone concerned is the fear that friendships will be neglected and fade away. Talk to each other openly. Think about what you are willing to do to nurture your friendships with each other and commit to doing it.
  • Go outside and dance by the light of the moon.

Gifts fit for a goddess. Take plenty of time to shop for a gift, don’t rush it. Find something unique that will help the Bachelorette stay focused on herself. She’s entering into a partnership and that is time when it is easy for a person to lose themselves in their quest to connect with their new spouse. Choose something that will remind her of, and help her stay connected to, her true self. It will be better for her and better for her relationship.

A friend of mine told me about an occasion she celebrated with two of her closest girlfriends. Each woman was asked to bring charms that in some way reflected the spirit of her other two friends. As they sat together that night, they brought out each charm and shared why they chose it for their friend. At the end of the night, each woman went home with a bracelet full of reminders about who they are and how much they are loved by their best friends. These three women are open-hearted, generous spirits. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if you borrowed their idea to fête your dear Bachelorette.

Nectar of the goddess. Serve fine wines or a nice champagne, but make sure the activities aren’t focused around drinking. Your focus should be on the Bride-to-Be and this change in her life. The hostess should set the tone about what is important and should always have the Bachelorette’s best interest in mind. The hostess should be mindful about how much alcohol is served throughout the evening and be proactive if she sees someone is having too much to drink. Intervene before someone embarrasses herself and keep any drama far away from the Bachelorette.

Take care of each other. Shower each other with love by remembering a few important basics:

  • Hold the Bachelorette Party a few days before the wedding. I advise against having the party the night before the wedding because the Bride-to-Be needs to look and feel her best on her wedding day. That is impossible if she was up late the night before.
  • Don’t do anything that would humiliate the Bachelorette. It’s important to keep her comfort level in mind when you plan activities. This is a celebration, not a hazing. If she is more innocent or conservative, don’t go overboard with sexual games and innuendos.
  • Keep each other’s secrets. When women get together to laugh and bond, they often share personal information – or make jokes they wouldn’t dream of repeating in mixed company. Things will likely be said during the party that don’t need to be passed along to others. Be a trustworthy friend to everyone in the room.

Many blessings. One of the most important assets women have is the love and support of other women. Think of the popularity of books such as the Ya-Ya Sisterhood and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Women crave a connection with other women that they can carry with them through all the changes of their life. If you don’t have deep, meaningful bonds with your dearest friends right now, use the Bachelorette Party to start forging them in her honor. If you do, acknowledge those bonds, celebrate them and strengthen them. You’ll all be stronger, wiser, and more gracious when the sun comes up in the morning.

xoxo

Angela, The Goddess Next Door

Is Back Door Play Right For You?

 Ask The Goddess, Self Care & Life Balance, Sensuality & Sexuality  No Responses »
May 262009
 

Q: My Boyfriend Wants Anal Sex, But I’m Scared. Should I do it?

~ Not So Sure, Vancouver WA

A: Here are some things to consider when trying anal sex for the first time: (1) about 30-40% of all heterosexual couples in this country have tried anal intercourse, (2) over 90% of men fantasize about having anal sex with their partner, and (3) both men and women when penetrated anally can experience a great deal of pleasure. You can find new ways to stimulate the G Spot and he can receive enjoyable prostate stimulation.

To increase your comfort level, you may ask that your partner try penetration first. This will even out the playing field. Many men are intimidated by the idea of being penetrated anally. They do not want to be considered “gay” if they participate in or enjoy anal penetration. Understand and explain that the anus is filled with multiple nerve receptors; so many men and women find this type of stimulation pleasurable. You might find that once you ask him to “go first”, he may no longer request it from you. Or he may choose to try it and find it to be a very pleasurable experience. He will also better understand the importance of going slow, being gentle and being respectful.

Before diving into this adventure, here are a few precautions. It is important for you and your partner to communicate before and during anal stimulation or penetration of any kind. One of the keys is to be prepared and relaxed. This can be integrated into foreplay with a candlelight bath, full body massage, or anything else you find relaxing. If you are concerned about cleanliness, it is recommended to ‘go’ about an hour or so prior to anal play.

The rectum does not produce its own natural lubrication, making it very important to use a good quality lubricant to protect the delicate membranes. Two options that are latex compatible are water-based and silicone lubes. Both will help ease penetration. The silicone, in particular, will remain slippery for a very long time. In fact, if you choose to try anal penetration in the shower, you will find the silicone lube will stay put for the duration and will become even more slippery. A basic rule regarding lubrication for anal sex is “use a lot, and then some!” Not only does extra lubrication make anal activity much more pleasurable, it also protects the body from potential infection.

Prior to your partner attempting to penetrate you with his penis, you may wish to start out with a smaller, tapered toy. Our wide selection of anal toys offers many sizes and materials to try. Pushing slightly or bearing down helps with penetration because when you release the muscles your body draws the penis or toy in. This is why it is important to always use a toy with a flared base. The rectum has two sphincters that will pull items into the body, potentially trapping the toy inside. Last but not least, never put something that has been in the anus into the vagina. This can cause an infection.

To help relax you while easing penetration try having your partner stimulate your clitoris. You can experience extra-intense orgasm when receiving both anal and clitoral stimulation simultaneously. A lubricated finger can be used to stimulate the anus prior to penetration. Finger exploration can be very stimulating on its own, whether or not penetration occurs. Always make sure nails are trimmed and hands are clean.

Anal penetration should not be painful. There have been some products designed to desensitize the outside tissue. If there is pain you may be causing some tissue damage, which is to be avoided. That is why I personally do not recommend using a desensitizer. Also avoid consuming large quantities of alcohol. It is important that both you and your partner stay in control at all times, to make sure it’s a pleasurable experience. Sure, alcohol can help soothe feeling embarrassed or vulnerable, but it is a central nervous system depressant, which slows reaction time and can impair judgment.

Bottom line: do it because you want to. Anal sex can be extremely pleasurable as long as you go SLOW! Don’t let your partner pressure or guilt you into doing something you are not comfortable with. You may or may not enjoy it; however, you won’t know unless you willfully try.

xoxo

Angela, The Goddess Next Door

Cock Rings – Yes or No?

 Ask The Goddess, Sensuality & Sexuality  No Responses »
May 262009
 

Q: How do you use a cock ring? Should my boyfriend use one? ~Ring around Roger, New York, New York

A: The penis is composed of three cylinders of spongy tissue surrounded by a thick membrane sheath. When a man becomes aroused, blood begins to flow into this tissue making it more firm thus, creating an erection. As arousal increases, more blood gets pumped into the tissue and the stronger the erection becomes. Once the penis is engorged, the blood may begin to leak back out of the penis and return into the body. As men age, this process can happen more quickly making it difficult to maintain an erection.

A cock ring is a ring designed to fit around a man’s penis and/or testicles. The ring prevents blood from leaving the penis, through restriction. Imagine what happens when you put a rubber band around your finger. As your finger fills with blood, it becomes more plump and tight. The restriction from a cock ring creates a similar effect giving the sense of a harder erection, a thicker penis, and a stronger orgasm. The restriction helps him delay ejaculation, remaining hard for an extended period of time and creating a longer sexual experience for both of you.

Men most commonly use cock rings when they have a difficult time maintaining an erection or when they feel they reach orgasm too quickly. That being said, their use is becoming more popular by men who want to have more intense orgasms, want to achieve multiple orgasms or simply want to last longer. Most men are unaware, but they can learn to control ejaculation with their PC muscles leading to the ability to achieve multiple orgasms. A cock ring can assist in learning this skill. Many men enjoy the benefit of prolonged playtime with their partner or when playing alone.

You can find cock rings made of many types of materials including: jelly, silicone, leather and metal. There are many varieties suitable for anyone’s preference. You can find cock rings with snaps for easy release, multiple rings with various configurations, vibrators for extra stimulation and more.

Basic cock rings are great for those who want to test the waters. These are generally one time use items and can be purchased very reasonably. If you and your partner are ready to try something more functional, I would recommend using one with vibration. Look for one made from very soft, high quality material – this way it won’t get in the way during intercourse. The vibrator is designed to stimulate the woman’s clitoris and comes from a small vibrator at the top of the ring. This provides hands-free stimulation for you, helping you achieve an orgasm more quickly and easily. Once he has started to become erect, the cock ring can be placed at the base of the penis. It can become more of a wrestling match if you wait until he’s fully engorged and the sensations he experiences won’t be as intense. Just have some fun while experimenting during this discovery process.

Some cock rings are made of a material with very little give to them. These are generally used only at the base of the penis. They can be a bit more challenging to use, although will give maximum restriction to the penis.

The larger, stretchier rings, as well as the cock rings that have two separate rings are designed to go around both the penis and testicles. This type can work more effectively for prolonging orgasm because the testicles are kept away from the body. Right before a man reaches orgasm the testicles lift up towards his body. It takes more work for ejaculation to occur because the testicles are not allowed to lift. This is why it can be effective to gently pull down on his scrotum, but a cock ring will do the work for you!

A few important tips, a cock ring should not be used more than approximately 20 minutes otherwise it can cause tissue damage. The blood needs to be reoxygenated by returning to the lungs. For an extended play session, you can remove it and put it back on once he gets a breather. I suggest you do not attempt to use a metal cock ring, unless you or your partner is an experienced user. In a situation where your partner does not lose his erection after an hour or his penis doesn’t get soft enough to remove the cock ring, don’t panic. Pull out the lube, get him good and slippery and try coaxing it off. If that doesn’t work, go get some ice, this will usually do the trick. Ice him up real good and he should deflate in no time.  Are you ready to try a new cock ring? You can shop at The Goddess Boutique where I’ve hand selected some great ones. If you are looking for something specific you don’t see at the boutique or would like a recommendation? Email me and I can recommend one for you.

xoxo

Angela, The Goddess Next Door

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